Muddle Head

I cant really tell how i fare in the eyes of the instructors.

I sat for my interim assessment for my non radar ATC course. There were 7 of us, and i thought maybe i was one of the weaker ones. Probably yes, probably not. During daily simulation sessions i tend to commit tantamount silly mistakes that i could have avoided if i take a 2nd look at details. Being hasty is some habit i always have for the past 27 years of my life.

I wont feel bad if a session was out of my control. The instructors are forever there to pile up traffic to test the individual's threshold and breaking point. Bearing this in mind i challenge myself against the aircrafts, relying heavily on my spatial awareness and memory . Initially perturbed by instructors' not-so-pleasant comments after a heavy session, now i got used to it. Just have to learn to get up fast the moment you fall hard on the ground.

To me, letting myself down is the worst thing, because the guilt of not fulfilling my own expectation lurks around even after i leave the hot seat. By this i meant to imply how opinionated i look at things, losing patience easily for the details around that might have changed how i see the whole picture if i had noticed it.

I guessed i was lucky to survive the interim assessment ( or so i thought ). And i will live to fight another day.